Friday, July 31, 2009

i've got the devil on my....

one of my favourites.
Hannah Marshall <3

Thursday, July 30, 2009

slow motion

the guilt of what i did to you weighs heavy on my shoulders, is never far from my mind and plagues me every day i wake.

It's why we're unable to move forward.

....I'm sorry

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

have heart

The definition of the word 'beauty' has been distorted, twisted and misunderstood throughout the centuries, and we seem to have come to a place where if aesthetically you're perfect - then you must be beautiful.
how sadness fills the air along with regret and misfortune.
to depreciate such a powerful word.

About six months ago i met one of the most beautiful women in the world.
her name was Jenny and she was a homeless lady i met while wandering the streets in the valley one night.
it was almost impossible to tell her age because although she didn't seem any older than 30 the lines on her face told her story well and she looked to have aged much beyond her years.
I sat with her for about an hour overwhelmed with sadness and disbelief that she was all alone in the world.
We tried to contact relatives but those that did answer told us that she wasn't their problem.
I gave her a cigarette and money which was all i had, and some others gave her a sandwich.
and as i sat there with tears streaming from my face and hers also, she said i was her angel and thanked me for caring about her even in the smallest way.
her lips were cracked and torn, she smelt unappealing, was sleeping on the ground and looked like she hadn't showered in a week.
but i wrapped my arms around her and told her that she was beautiful.
and she was.

I believe the most beautiful people in the world are the ones that have experienced the most incredible hardships known to man - but are still standing.
even if you're only just surviving, you're still alive and emulating an elegance most cannot attain.
those that have endured affliction and heartache from the misguided actions from others, yet still choose to love.
still choose to make the world better.
still choose to sympathize with others and believe in the value of a human life.

Those with hearts that light up people's lives.

Living differently in a world of madness and making a change by simply loving instead of hating.

I have a scripture tattooed on my ribs that says, 'love one another'
and i honestly believe its the most powerful and beautiful thing in existence.
choosing to love - despite unfathomable circumstances.

This is the beauty that i see.
and as Jenny and i felt such deep pain and gratitude for our chance meeting on a Saturday night, i was reminded of a beauty i rarely see around me.
the ability to simply care about another human being.
and the fact that this lady who had nothing in the world could still feel enough to try to thank me, instead of being bitter and loathsome, impacted me.

the beauty that dwelt within most of us has been repressed by the wounds of the world but beauty is a choice to be better than what others find acceptable.
To value people, have respect, live truth and love and simply care about something other than yourself.

most days i don't feel beautiful, but i strive everyday to change that.

kurt, my one true love <3

The truth is, i'm never ready..
and i don't recover very well anymore either

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

just breathe

time alone can be a confronting overwhelming feeling sometimes
but tonight, I found comfort and beauty in it.
getting back to basics which consisted mostly of cleaning, writing music, playing my guitar and reading great books - I found my strength.

music makes my world turn and when pain and confusion strike its usually last on my list.
but tonight i went searching for the song hidden in the corridors of my soul and found my truth and joy
...and a beauty i don't see so much these days embedded in the melodies and notes i played.

embracing time for yourself to heal and prosper and do the things you love can change your perspective on your world and give you the smallest form of hope to keep being you.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Monday, July 13, 2009

and so it goes...

The heart clashes with the mind.
you feel you know what you should do... and that's usually not what you want to do or think you're capable of doing.
its confusing. confronting and has the ability to annihilate your strength to function;
to wake up and breathe and remember that everything is going to be okay.
because you're too busy creating ideas that tell you its not.

The battle between my heart and head rages and I'm left unavailable and incompetent.
Where my head longs to find solace in my pillow and stay there until I'm forgotten by the world.
the ever so appealing thoughts of running away and starting fresh begin to linger for far too long and visit much too frequently.

the dilemma lies in the fact that it's usually impossible to tell which one to listen to.

the heart can lead you to mysterious, passionate and blissful places.
but it's also naive, unprotected and dangerous.
and the mind bears strength and experience that has the ability to take you to extraordinary heights and change your world for the better.... or simply end up secluded and lifeless.

a decision of considerable importance,
impacting ramifications,
and the potential to alter the course of our lives.....

and the body just dies.

loss of oxygen and lethargy take over.
and in the end - they both fails us.

it just becomes too much to handle and we retreat to our seclusion and find solace in the darkness.