confusion is the most disturbing of human emotions. the lies that flood my world create my disarray ...and people wonder why I hate dishonesty so much
They will continue to perplex my every waking moment until I breathe my last. guilt continues to override my happiness and every moment of joy I feel. and the lack of sanity I find in others makes me judge my own.
Within myself I am easy to love... but the past I come from and the choices I made, and the choices others forced upon me makes me unlovable.
Whenever there's nothing left to fight for,something beautiful appears but my life is one of complication. more complexities haunt my world than you could ever imagine or understand. My reality is blurred with guilt and misconceptions and lately a form of happiness that I find way too confusing to understand.
You light my life, but there's much more running circles in my mind than the eye can see. Blood Brothers write, "love rhymes with a hideous car wreck" and Joy Division dictate that, "love will tear us apart". Love is the most wonderful and powerful of human emotions but it's also the most terrifying and destructive. Do we run? Do we embrace? and who wears the crown of the strong one for either choice?
as my body and the scriptures dictate, "love one another", and that's what I attempt to fulfill but it doesn't mean I'm not terrified in the process. and it's not just terrifying... it literally stops my lungs from working and my heart from beating to the point where I actually feel I cannot handle any more pain. I'm cold. I'm lost. I'm done.
But what is life without love? and what is my world without you...
So this is the part where I no longer recognise where I end and you begin. Whether my heart stands alone, or if it's dragging behind the baggage. If the possiblity exists.. that you might love me as much as much as I love you. and if the world was to crash and burn tomorrow ...would I be lost forever in your heart?
"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows. Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide. And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart... I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart."